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The voice of a trauma is filling up my throat yet I can't articulate a single word. scream is silent like in some dreams with each trainwreck of hurt the storm of paranoia and rationale mix in exhausting flight. Thoughts of giving up so frequently occurs, haunts me in my sleep even delusional wish to go back in time thinking about that particular moment of the past will give an easier pass to run. Then I remember I look at my photos, my worry, my pain comes back to mind and shuckles of emotions that held me in these moments. Nobody's memories are perfect, yet fragments perfectly hold me in line. There's no need to jump into void of partially muted screams. 27.01.24

The more I go into life The more I see People have trouble understanding analogies of life Everyone wants their right to be an absolute What they cannot see is a thin thread that keeps it all together Everybody will be everything and nothing at the same time Mythologies are made to feed our egos, bring the walls, who is better, who is worse. don't forget, there is no myth without connection to another one and only ones who put it together like a puzzle may get a glimpse of truth. Confined by our mortal bodies that's all we can see. A glimpse.

There is no love There is no friendship There is no magic There is no future People just exist out of the worst imaginable habits and then we all disappear into nothingness why am I seeing hope in this, I can't tell. It would be wonderful if it was true, the certainty of dissolving into thin air after killing oneself. The history will repeat itself without a single thought because karma is the lie for the badly beaten up cages will remain closed and no justice will be served no retribution, no saviours will come and the universe will stay decaying graveyard no wormholes to a better worlds. There is no redemption or retribution day and no Buddha under the tree No angels, no devils will come how something that doesn't exist can appear. Monkey that stays on two legs continues to kill each other for nonexistent dust why there is a part of me that wants to believe in anything I will kill it every time because after all I want is to cease to exist.